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Hunting Down My Compassion: a Work in Progress
| Posted on July 29, 2015 at 4:10 AM |
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 This is Cecil, the lion slayed by American dentist Walter James Palmer. In his book, Fieldnotes On the Compassionate Life, Mark Ian
Barasch writes; A
friend once told me of visiting the Dalai Lama in India and asking him for a
succinct definition of compassion. She prefaced her question by describing how
heartstricken she’d felt when, earlier that day, she’d seen a man in the
streets of Dharamsala beating a mangy stray dog with a stick.
"Compassion," the Dalai Lama told her, "is when you feel as
sorry for the man as you do for the dog." That initial red hot surge of outrage was when I first
connected with my Inner Palmer. I wanted to wound
him, the cruel bastard, and hunt him
down for 40 hours before beheading him,
and how would he like that…and I saw that I was pretty much
behaving just like him. I'm trying to understand this trophy hunter, predator, sexual
harasser of female employees and father of two, Palmer the dentist. I read a
study linking small genitalia to hunters. So maybe he’s overcompensating for a
small penis. I read an article about the remarkable similarity between serial
killers and trophy hunters. So maybe he’s a sociopath. Yet another article
discussed the hunter’s need to hunt and kill off the feminine, another was
about ….and then I had to stop reading articles because I had reached my limit
of disturbing photos. How disconnected from his own heart, from Life's heart (so
beautifully manifested in Cecil the lion) must he be? How soul-dead must he be to
actually enjoy inflicting suffering
upon another being? What happened to create this in him? And again I realized that I was doing to him what he does to
animals and other people: I was making him the “other”. One of “them”. I’m
objectifying him and making him the
monster. Easier to kill him off that way. If only
it were all so simple! If only there were evil people somewhere insidiously
committing evil deeds, and it were necessary only to separate them from the
rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good and evil cuts through
the heart of every human being. And who is willing to destroy a piece of his
own heart? ― Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, The Gulag Archipelago So here’s another way I connect with Palmer: I can disconnect
from my own heart, I can disconnect from my own body, I can unplug from my own
wild nature, and from Nature herself. I can disconnect from my mind, my
intuition, my truth, other people. It’s so easy. Not
only that; I can feel, see and hear the suffering this causes and still numb out with the best of the
walking dead. I don’t numb out with substances and risky behaviors like in the old days, but
there are so many ways to disconnect and unplug: I don’t have the time, 5 hours on the computer, I don’t want to know, 3 hours in front
of the TV, I’m too busy, it’s time to
reorganize the junk drawer, It’s not that bad, a pint of ice cream gone, I need the money, I’ll deal with it later…. I have a lot of respect
for Kwan Yin, goddess of compassion, aka She Who Hears the Cries of the World. She
doesn’t whine about being too busy and then unplug. I’d go mad if I had to
listen to all of that pain 24-7. This is not an easy path. Thank goodness there’s
music and art, meditation and dance, laughter and a multitude of ways to plug back
in. Palmer is the one being hunted as I write this. Part of me
thinks; “Good, serves him right.” Part of me hopes he realizes that this is how
the women and animals he preyed upon over the years felt, and has a change of
heart. And part of me despairs that he will ever realize how disconnected he truly
is, because he’s too far over on the spectrum. It's not a line... it's a spectrum that stretches between
good and evil, compassion and indifference, connection and disconnection, and we’re
all on it. |
My Job Here Is Done
| Posted on May 8, 2015 at 3:20 PM |
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My Job Here Is Done  The last question on the final exam I just gave
for undergraduate Music Therapy students in a Medical and Rehabilitative Music Therapy course was:What are 2 things you learned in this course that touched you deeply either
as a person or a music therapist (or both), and why? The answers below are representative of the majority of responses I
received, and touched me deeply when
I read them. (Okay, I cried.) I know from a semester of work and correcting
their final exams that they learned the academic material. But there’s also the
other kind of material I want my students to learn - life lessons about being human, about
connecting with themselves and others, and about compassion and self
compassion. Although I open most of my classes with a variety of breath and/or
awareness practices and we talk about how caregivers must walk their talk, I
had no idea if they were getting it
in their lives outside of the classroom. "Centering & Breathing –
Without this word, I am not sure how I would have survived this semester. I
know these are not necessarily about Med-Rehab, but they made me think that
everything and every population needs breathing and being listened to. I forgot
to breathe many times in my life, but I have Prof. T to thank for bringing (her name) back when she drifts away.
This was a difficult course with a lot of information, and I am glad I learned
all of it through centering and breathing." "One of the most important things I learned in this course was with
regards to how we deal with suffering. Often we may feel tempted to avoid that
which bothers us or leaves us feeling uncomfortable. However, sometimes we need
to embrace this and allow ourselves to just feel. The discussions that we had about this in class
influenced me greatly, as I took this mentality with me to fieldwork. I even
structured an entire session around working with this. The other particularly
important thing I learned in this class was that we need to be able to reach
out for help when needed. As one of the many “World Saviours” in this major,
this lesson hit me hard this semester. I had to deal with some personal demons
that I had successfully ignored up until this point. I’m happy to say that I
have made it through and that I am doing much better…I think that I am much
stronger for it and feel it will serve me in my future both professionally and
personally." "Since I have never
taken a class with you before, the use of breathing to relax is something I
will take with me as both a student and a music therapist. Breathing promotes
feeling comfortable. When I feel comfortable as I lead a music therapy group,
my clients will also feel comforted. It is a useful tool for anxiety and it is
something I can use for myself but also pass on to my clients." "The second thing I
believe is important that I learned is how important centering and self care
are!! I tend to always want to help others through their issues and then
put mine on the back burner. Throughout this semester I’ve tried to make sure I
am addressing my needs and centering has helped me immensely when it comes to
working out these issues. I really realized that I can’t help others without
helping myself first!" "Another
thing that I learned a lot about is how to center myself and breathe through
things so as to not let them get to me.
This is something that will help me as a music therapist and as a
person. This was definitely a tough
course for me at times as I have had a lot of family suffer and die from
cancer, a close family friend is suffering from Parkinson’s, and of course my
dad with his (condition omitted to preserve student’s anonymity). A lot of what we learned and what we were
addressing really hit home and that made aspects of this course really hard for
me. But as I learned to breathe through
the hard things and keep pushing forward while centering myself, I learned that
even the hardest things can be easy to get through if we just take care of
ourselves the right way. This will make
me a better music therapist when some of the tough things come up and I have to
center myself in the moment. More
importantly, however, this will make and has made me a better person. I was able to get through one of the hardest,
most emotionally draining semesters of my life because this class taught me how
to center and breathe through the things that are the hardest." "I think one of the
biggest things I have learned in this course is that listening is so important.
Many times someone just needs someone to listen to them. Being a good listener
is probably one of the most valuable to have as a music therapist. The second
biggest thing that has changed my life is: Breath. Breathing is so simple and
yet, we forget to do it. Learning to breathe and center myself has made me a
better person and a better music therapy student. I will treasure my breath and
my center for the rest of my life." "I
think something that has touched me
deeply as a person is whatever gifts I have to give to other people, I should
give them. I also learned how important being happy is, and whatever I do,
sharing my truth and living my truth is the most important…whenever I leave
this class I am reminding (sic) of my worth. Thank you very much Peggy, because
besides the actual class material you have constantly reminded me of my
capacity to love and connect and I deserve to connect with others…I breathe a
lot better now." "One theme that really stuck with me is the idea that you don’t always have
to “help”, you just have to be there…( )The second thing I will always keep
with me is breathing. I can’t tell you the amount of times I tell myself to
breathe in order to calm myself. I had never known the importance of breathing
before taking your classes, even though we hear “just breathe” all the time. I
will forever thank you for both of these valuable lessons! Thank you for being
with me and breathing with me!" I close with a deep bow of love and
respect to the teachers in my life who taught me all I know about breath, presence,
awareness and (self)compassion: in particular to Dawna Markova and Andy Bryner
for their invaluable lessons; and to Ron Glick and Susan Taylor for their
perennial yoga wisdom. There are countless others who have taught me through
their written words, workshops or friendships, and I’ll be bowing in gratitude
to them for the rest of my days. And of course, thank you to my amazing,
wonderful students! |
Blogging on Huffington Post....
| Posted on June 28, 2014 at 12:34 AM |
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My poor, sadly neglected website Blog...I have been writing recently for the Huffington Post, and you can find those pieces here:
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One Word
| Posted on January 1, 2014 at 3:34 PM |
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For the New Year or Any New Beginning: One Word Several years ago I read an article on the internet about choosing one word as inspiration and motivation for making changes in the new year, and I apologize to the unknown author for not being able to credit him or her. I've lost the article in the webosphere, but the concept in all it's beautiful simplicity remains. I've often used the practice with myself and clients since then, and pass it on to you today. Instead of making a New Year's resolution (you know how those tend to go....), pick a word for the year. One word. But not just any word. First, take some time to think about what you want for yourself and your life this year. We’re not talking new shoes and a great job here, although both would be nice. We’re talking about a word that describes a quality or energy that you want to focus on because you sense it is something you need for your growth and well being. Or maybe the world is asking this of you. The word will then act as your inspiration and guide throughout the year. Let’s say you want to improve your sense of self worth. As you think about it, you see that you’re rather mean to yourself in your own head. So you pick the word Kindness. Each day you focus on that word. You let the word guide you through your days, as in; “What would be the kind step to take now?” or “What would kindness say?” Find a guiding word from the list below, think of a word on your own, or let a word choose you while you're meditating or walking.... Compassion Generosity Effortlessness Resiliency Abundance Caution Creativity Willingness Change Growth Freedom Balance Mastery Kindness Self-Esteem Laughter Health Gratitude Integrity Acceptance Courage Magic Confidence Self-Compassion Action Stillness Forgiveness Release Trust Knowing Patience Fertility Friendship Fun Grace Laughter Love Expansion Honesty Independence Optimism Exploration Adventure Openness Discipline Clarity Communion Belonging Responsibility Serenity Enough Curiosity Awe Awareness Risk Prayerful Activating Powerful Allowing Centering Transformation Mindfulness Attention Beauty Joy Unity Authenticity Focus Brave Healing Self-Forgiveness Order Community Steadiness Presence Faith Vision Connection Mindful Softening Healing Interdependent Wisdom Now that you have your word, here are some suggestions for living your word..... Make a collage or another type of visual reminder and hang it up where you can see it. When you start not-seeing it, make a new one. Find or create an object that embodies and reflects the energy of the word you chose, and keep it where you can see it. If you start not-seeing it, move it to a different location, find a new location for it, or make a new one. Find or create an object that you can carry with you - a talisman or touchstone for your pocket, purse, or as a piece of jewelry. Practice embodying the word: Where in your body is home for that energy? How does it move through your body? How do you sit, walk, and dance when you are embodying that energy? How do you move when that word-energy is your dance partner? For some of us, resistance to living our word may arise. Instead of fighting it, welcome your resistance and invite it to the dance! Dance the opposite of your word. What do you learn from that? Example: When dancing between Warrior and Worrier energy, I discovered that neither extreme is beneficial and went on to learn how to blend with both.The dance became much more interesting! When you allow the word-energy to animate you from within, how do you sound when you speak, chant or sing? What would you say? How would the way you talk to yourself and others change? If you play an instrument, how would you play and what would it sound like? Find (or even more effective - create) a chant, song, or piece of music that can become your “theme song” or mantra for the word-energy, and play it/sing it/chant it whenever you want or need the inspiration. Let it become a call to action, or a soothing lullaby, or an internal fortifying tonic - whatever it is you need. If you start not-hearing it, find or create a new one. Write a letter to yourself from the word you chose. What would Integrity say? What would Self-Compassion write to you? Let this develop into an ongoing dialogue in your journal, and allow the wisdom of the word help you navigate through your days - especially through times of confusion or discomfort. Collect quotations and poems (create your own!) having to do with your word, and read them often. Use the word as you would a mantra for meditation, or as an idea to contemplate in a quiet time of reflection, and just notice what arises. Look for, read about, study, hang out with and generally learn from people (alive or dead) who seem to live the word you have chosen. They are your mentors and teachers. Act as if. As if you are already living your word. Ask yourself; “What would (your word) say right now?” and then say it. Ask yourself; “What would (your word) do in this situation?” and then do it. This is called practice. Practice is priceless. All Masters and Maestros still practice. Pick one small (do-able) task a day, a week, a month (or any combination) that draws on the energy of the word and has you acting in the world with that energy. It might be something from the above suggestions, something you come up with, or an opportunity handed to you. Above all, have fun practicing! Happy New Year! |
Truly, the greatest gift you have...
| Posted on September 2, 2013 at 8:29 PM |
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Truly, the greatest gift you have to give is that of your own self-transformation - Lao Tzu  Cameron Gray, The Neverending Dreamer http://parablevisions.com/ I was asked a question as a result of that quote, which led to another question... Q. There seems to be an implication that if I need to transform, then there’s something wrong or broken with me... Not at all! Do we label water as “wrong” when it transforms into a gas or solid? Is a caterpillar broken? Isn’t transformation into a butterfly part of its true nature? A tree bears no resemblance to the seed it once was. Nature often holds up a mirror so we can see more clearly the ongoing processes of growth, renewal and transformation. - unknown In the same way, transformational shifts and changes - some of them radical and profound, others more subtle and slow moving - are an integral part of the human experience on every level, from genetics to beliefs and beyond. There are aspects of you that are dramatically different today compared to when you were six months old, twelve or twenty-six years old! Just as you wouldn’t judge the water, caterpillar or tree for being themselves at any given phase of their existence, making judgments about the right or wrongness of where you are in relation to where you’ve been and where you’re going is... unnecessary and unhelpful. To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly. - Henri Bergson Q. Why would I want to transform? We’re going through the process of transformation all the time, whether or not we want it! For many of us, it’s usually suffering or discomfort that urges us to begin the conscious, deliberate process of transformation. “I know something has to change”. The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers. - M. Scott Peck Others seek the process of transformation for spiritual reasons or because they’re curious about new ways to experience themselves and the world. The purpose of enlightenment in our time is not just to transcend the world, but to transform the world. How do we transform it? Through the evolution of our own consciousness. We have to realize that this process completely depends on us, on individuals who are willing to push the edge of the possible. - Andrew Cohen Q. What are we transforming when we engage in self transformation? On a personality and systems level, we are working with those thoughts, beliefs, behaviors, or ways of relating and responding to ourselves and the world that we continue to hang onto despite evidence that they have outlived their usefulness, don’t work, and may even be causing damage to ourselves and others. It's not so much that we're afraid of change or so in love with the old ways, but it's that place in between that we fear ...It's like being between trapezes. It's Linus when his blanket is in the dryer. There's nothing to hold on to. - Marilyn Ferguson On the level of consciousness, we're engaging in practices that open our hearts to and expand our awareness of a unified reality, one containing multidimensional facets that we can explore and experience. If that's too woo woo for you, how about looking at it as expanding your potential ? Take an axe to the prison wall.
Escape. Walk out like someone suddenly born into color.
Do it now. - Rumi  |
And the day came....
| Posted on November 29, 2012 at 9:57 PM |
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And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud  was more painful than the risk it took to blossom - Anais Nin How did the rose Ever open its heart And give to this world All of its beauty? It felt the encouragement  Of light against its being, Otherwise we all remain Too frightened. - Hafiz |
Self Compassion
| Posted on February 26, 2012 at 10:11 AM |
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I just read a great posting on self compassion from http://www.UrbanMonk.net. That path - the one that leads from self blame/criticism/hatred/shame to self compassion and kindness - is one I've certainly been on, and more often than not I'm encountering others on that same journey through my work and in the world. Here are some resources for the trip: Dr. Kristen Neff has a book, Self-Compassion, and a website: Dr. Rick Hanson has a book, Buddha's Brain, and a website: Dr. Paul Gilbert has a book, The Compassionate Mind, and a website: Dr. Cristopher Germer has a book, The Mindful Path To Self Compassion and a website: Here is a song, Gentle With Myself, by Karen Drucker: http://youtu.be/ihWYx-QJ95I "If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete" (This quote is sometimes attributed to Buddha, sometimes to Jack Kornfield, but why split hairs?) |
Musings coming soon.....
| Posted on July 11, 2011 at 9:27 PM |
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.....till then, if you're reading this, please take a moment for a conscious breath......in.........try adding a slight smile on the exhale out.......... |
